Why aren't you Happy?

Long long ago…

Oops! It’s actually not that long ago. I just heard most of the fairy tales in my childhood this way, so I thought it might ignite your interests too. Anyways. A week ago I was travelling in metro. I generally choose second coach of metro & stand on the bridge between the first & the second coach (only quirky ones will understand the reason). It was a Sunday, so there weren’t those middle aged pushy uncles or “thoda to adjust krlo” aunties. But still my peace was disturbed when I found an old school friend shouting at me “Dhruv, How come you here?”. We greeted each other with a hug. Than those same old general questions started – what are you doing? Where are you going now? Ooh! Now you are a big man? Whether is nice na? blaw blaw blaw…… Suddenly he said “Dhruv you are just the same man. You always seem to be happy? How the hell you do that?” Without giving it a thought I just said “because I am very optimistic”. He accepted the answer but didn’t seem to be satisfied with it. He wanted to know the secret to always be happy. So? Do any one of you know the secret? Some of you may, some of you may not, while some of you have an idea about it but you can’t explain it in concrete words.

I myself didn’t realize the secret until I undergrounded myself for a complete week in order to get in the core of the situation. For a week I ignored my family, I ignored my friends, & threw all the gadgets away. After finding the solution I straight away dialed the number of my friend. He didn’t receive. I dialed again, this time he disconnected. My temptation to tell him the secret was so high that I dialed the third time. This time he received, & without saying hello he just said “Bro can I call you after half an hour?” Trust me in general I am a very polite person but my temptation was so high that I rudely said “No”. He begged to me “Dhruv, I am in thunderbox right now & on the verge of it. It’s been two days.” I replied “You better hold it. We need to talk & we need to talk right now.” He disconnected my call. I again called, he again disconnected. Then he called me back after 5 minutes. This time his tone was aggressive. So I tried to be polite & talked about his issue “So did it happen?”. In same aggressive tone he replied “No. I lost my concentration. And it is because of you. So you better have some very good reason to disturb me in middle of something this important; or I will come to your home & punch you & kick you on your stomach so you will atleast have an idea of pain, a person with constipation suffers.” I said “okay. Look, I have found the secret you asked me a week before.” “What secret?” he asked. I said “The secret to be happy”, & without wasting the time I got started, “Look bro, I was wrong. The way to be happy can’t be as subtle as just optimism or positive thinking. It ought to be something deeper, something larger.” Okay, so with this plot I triggered a curiosity in him. I kept silent for few seconds so to hear him reply. And he said that, he said that what I wanted to hear “so what’s the way, the secret as you say?” I did pat on my shoulder & continued my lecture.

It was a warm afternoon on December Sunday. The conversation was so engaging that I didn’t even realized that the sun has now started to hide behind the white cottony clouds, leading to a bit shivery atmosphere. “There are in actual three needs that you need to fulfill in order to achieve that permanent happy state of mind or ‘satisfaction’ I would say. The first of all is the qualifying needs. Hunger, Thirst, Safety they all are qualifying needs which must be fulfilled by the adequate amount of food & water, safe house, clothes & some savings for emergency. Without their fulfillment you can’t work for satisfaction producing needs. Satisfaction producing needs are those the fulfillment of which leads to a sense of completeness & unexplainable joy. Self actualization is the first satisfaction producing need. It refers to the use of your highest potentials. Whatever task you do, do it in a way that it utilizes the maximum of your potentials. Try to reach to a state where your ideal self – the best of you, converge with your real self – the present of you. Daily set out new limits & break them” I said, while I realized that I forgot to put on my jacket.

The sun now had completely hidden behind the clouds, as if it was never there. Still, the lesson was incomplete, so I continued. “After you find something that utilizes your potentials, do it for the benefit of society. Transcendence is the highest & ultimate need which if fulfilled leads to a constant state of satisfaction & happiness in one’s life. It means helping others to fulfill their needs. It means proving your existence & worthiness to the world & to your own self. No task can ever produce satisfaction if you don’t feel it will benefit someone else too. ‘Vision’ is the means of transcendence need fulfillment. So make a larger purpose, a vision for which you can devote your entire life. And not only achievement of that vision but the efforts you make to achieve it, are too the source of ultimate happiness & satisfaction.” I don’t know his exact feelings at that point, but I myself was feeling very relaxed. It was a kind of catharsis to me.

After few seconds of silence, he finally spoke “You know Dhruv I sometimes feel that something is missing in my life. I feel like being stuck. I have everything; good health, bank balance, family, girlfriend & will surely get a well paid job too. But still I do feel like there’s a void. It’s been there from years & I am not sure whether these self actualization or transcendence as you say will be able to fill this void.” I said “Okay. Just tell me one thing. Do you still go to gym?” “Yes” he said. I further inquired “So at what point you do enjoy exercises the most?” “When I am able to complete a set with the highest weight, I guess. Especially in shoulder press” came the reply. I cross questioned “so what’s the highest weight you lift in shoulder press now?” “35 kg” he said. “And what was it when you started the gym?” I asked. “5 kg” came the reply. A smile came on my face. I said “Look bro, this is exactly self actualization that you do every day. You had a limit of 5 kg, but you kept on breaking that to reach till 35 kg of weight lifting. You enjoy it because it challenges your physical capacity & in a way enhances it every day. This is self actualization; you set new limits & break them. You used it for your physical ability. Now use it for your passion. Anything that you like the most. That no other can do better than you. That can define you.” “Okay, I will think about it. But what about transcendence?” He said. I replied “To experience transcendence just do this thing. For one complete week go extra limits to be selfless. For one week, do tasks that in some way help the society. Be it feeding a poor, educating an illiterate, helping the old, planting trees, sweeping the colony anything. Anything that isn’t selfish. Anything that you do without expecting something in return. Make a note of how you felt while doing these tasks. If you write it as an amazing experience, which I know you will, than apply it for the rest of your life. For the rest of your life choose a career that – first, use your highest potentials for your passion & second, in any way benefits the society. Along with that you may opt for doing atleast one good thing every week. If you try this, I am sure as hell there won’t be any void in your life. There won’t be anything missing. And there won’t be any unhappiness”.

I suddenly heard something. I asked “Bro? Why are you gasping?” He replied in a hurry “I am rushing for my thunderbox right now. I think the pressure has built up again. Look bro, I seriously appreciate the efforts you made for me. I have recorded this whole conversation & will listen to it again, in order to grasp the full meaning of it. For now please try to understand it’s an emergency. Bye” He hung up.

I was in peace now. I did my part. I told him everything that he needed to know to be happy. Maybe the timing was wrong. Maybe the execution wasn’t that perfect. But atleast I did something for a friend. Atleast I made an effort, & it is all that matters.

The dark had started now to cover the view. The birds in the sky seemed to be going back to their nests in order to survive another dark cold night. A one or two bats came out. I was still feeling the feeling of stillness. It was same as that of a week before when I was standing on the bridge of the first & the second coach of metro. A mental snapshot of the first coach was still fresh in my memory. Suddenly the terrace’s door of my neighbor opened. It was another friend of mine. He looked worried. He came to me & said “Dhruv, I just had a breakup. I am feeling depressed. It’s like a void, you know. Will you please help me to cope up with it?” I silently smiled & said “Why Not?”